I live for date nights with my main squeeze.
As a work at home mom, I spend my days wiping up snot, poop, pee, juice, bug guts, yogurt, spit, and anything else that has the capability of spilling. I hear my name repeated over and over and over, except it isn't my name, it's my designation: mom. It's what I am and what I do, but it is not all of me.
Sometimes I miss me. I miss being a woman who talks about grown up things and wears makeup and does spontaneous things. Date nights are the reminder that I am a woman. I know moms are women, but that's not the kind of woman I'm talking about. I'm talking about the feminine, sexy, strong, confident, smart, creative, innovative and natural woman that I am under the sweatpants. The woman who has more complexities and interests than breaking up fights between two tiny humans.
Date night is also the reminder to my husband of the woman I am. When you have young kids, it is easy to cohesively coexist while both caring for the needs of the people you created together. We love those tiny people, so we put their needs above our own desires 99% of the time. But we did not have them when we met. When we fell in love it was just the two of us. A boy and a girl who eventually became man and wife. We could talk for hours (and kiss for even longer).
Date night is a glimpse back to that time. Last night we went for dinner and flirted (I'm pretty sure our server thought we were on a first date - or cheating on our real spouses given our wedding bands). We sat on the grass listening to live music and drank the wine I stashed in my purse and then finished the night with ice cream under the stars. It was perfection.
It only takes 2 hours a week to fall hopelessly in love again and again and again.
If you haven't had a date night recently, don't wait for your spouse to plan it. Get a sitter, thow on some makeup and heels and go out literally anywhere. Drink some wine, make fun of each other and avoid talking about bills or the kids. Daydream about your future and make plans for all the things you want to do together. Just spend a couple hours falling back in love. @ Lake Harriet (Minnesota)
I started exercising again yesterday. Like REALLY exercising. Since Cecilia's choking incident and my accompanying anxiety attacks last August, I have stuck with low impact exercise like walking and yoga for fear of overexerting myself.
I finally realized I wasn't doing myself any favors. I am by no means a #fitmom or someone who will ever build my whole life around fitness, but it is so important for me to be strong for my littles. Especially my daughter. So yesterday I picked up weightlifting again.
"She laughs without fear of the future."
I say that verse over and over but I have yet to take it on as my own identity. Maybe I need to say it in first person? Who knows.
It was like as soon as my first child was placed in my womb, I was also given a ball of anxiety that sits in my gut or my chest or somewhere in my body that is super annoying. My fears are a hearty mix of practical and totally irrational.
Home brew (kombucha) is a reminder to slow down in an instant gratification world. This batch was started 3 weeks ago and it's still not ready. It's drinkable, but it doesn't have the carbonation that makes kombucha so lovable yet. It took two weeks for it to ferment to the perfect tartness for my taste buds and now I have to wait.
I love mornings with this boy. He usually gets up before everyone else and does his own thing quietly. He is independent and curious so he loves the freedom of mornings where he can explore our house without limits or a sister stealing his ideas. I'm learning to give him the space he needs to learn and grow.
Potty training update. I am so proud of this girl. Yesterday she made it the entire day with dry underpants. She still needs to learn to tell me when she needs to go, but at least she goes when I ask her (after a couple minutes of fighting it...It's a process, people). As parents, or just as people for that matter, we work hard and long towards our goals. In the midst of it, it seems as though there is no progress. Everything we do is met with resistance, but we keep pressing forward, trusting that all of our efforts are going to pay off someday. This was a much needed reminder that it is so worth it. Have we completely arrived yet?! Absolutely not! We have weeks (probably months) to go before she is fully trained, but yesterday was a much needed glimmer of hope.
Day 3 potty training. In short, it's a challenge. I'm not child development specialist by any means, but I'm a mom and I can tell you that tantrums increase anytime a child (at least my kids) is learning a new skill. I get it! It's so frustrating when you are trying to learn something and aren't good at it yet. It must be even more frustrating when you are being told you have to do it by someone else.
Day 1 potty training was a success! She had two accidents, but many more successes. By the time my husband came home she could recognize that she had to go and asked him to help her and she made it in time!
It is always a process. We are no where near done, but I think it's going to stick this time. She is much more motivated by getting to wear underpants than her brother was so that is helpful. She takes her transition into being a "big girl" very seriously. I could not be more proud of her and her patience with herself and determination to not be a baby anymore.
I'm a horrible potty trainer. The worst. I tried duel potty training my two kids a little over a year ago. For 10 days. I started with that "potty train your child in a day" crap, and 10 days later neither child was potty trained. Earlier this year my son was potty trained (still working on nights) and today I decided we'd try potty training this one. She just turned 2.5 last week and recently transitioned into her big girl bed with ease and cooperation. Today we are sitting in the bathroom all day with pretzels, juice and books to see if we can make it happen.
Sundays sometimes end up being the only day of the week we can get things done. You know, grocery shopping, cleaning, prepping for the week ahead. While I honor (and long for) a full Sabbath day, I'm happy for Sabbath moments. Moments where we stop doing and focus on just being. Being present. Being grateful. Being nothing but who God created us to be.
"Guys, look at mommy! Over here! Say cheese?! Just for one second. Pretty please?! Look at me!!!" Screw it.
Real life isn't picture perfect. Sometimes it is goofy and unflattering. And by sometimes, I mean usually. Sometimes we don't feel like smiling or we don't feel like putting on makeup or brushing our hair. Sometimes we feed our kids non organic hot dogs and Mac & Cheese for dinner...3 nights in a row. Some days we are ambitious boss babes who feel they can conquer the world and other days it's hard to even get out of bed, let alone "follow our dreams." Most days for most people are filled with self doubt and failure. Most moments are mundane.