In September 2013, my husband and I had our first baby. He won our hearts immediately. Seven months later, we had a seven month old (obviously I'm amazing at math) and were pregnant again. OH SNAP! In 9-ish months or so, we would have two babies under two. From the get-go we were like, let's just get this done with. We knew we wanted two kids so we figured we might as well just have them close in age and get out of this "having babies" stage of life. Yes, we planned this insanity.
People told us it would be hard, but they would mention it quickly and then go on to all the positives, like the way people talk when setting you up with an ugly friend. He has a glass eye, but is SUPER RICH and likes kittens. He has a third nipple, but is an amazing cook and his apartment has river views. He is addicted to meth, but is super skinny and has no teeth. BONUS! Having two under two is hard, but they'll be best friends and you'll probably be able to potty train them at the same time.
Wait, go back to that first part. Yeah, where you said it would be hard. Okay. I'm going to talk about that. Having 2 under 2 is hard. The first three months especially. For me, having one child was a total breeze so I thought I was a natural and would easily be able to transition into a mother of two. WRONG WRONG WRONG! SUPER DUPER WRONG! It was so hard. Here's why:
The older one won't understand what is going on and it will just about shatter your heart into a gazillion little lego pieces. They won't understand who that little alien is and why you are holding them. They won't understand that they have not been replaced. They won't understand why you can't hold them right now. They won't understand why you can't play with them all the time. They won't understand that you still love them with all of your being, because they just won't understand.
While your love will multiply, your time won't. I know this is a given, but it's hard to wrap your head around until it happens. Balancing the time I had to show both babes the love I had for them was emotionally wrecking for me. It killed me that I couldn't spend every waking second and all of my energies on both of them. I had to split it between them and prioritizing was so hard. One would want me, but the other would need me. I'd help the one who needed me, but the one who wanted me would always cry. So much crying in these first 3 month and much of it was from me.
The older child may give you the cold shoulder. Once Cecilia got here, it took a couple months (you read that: MONTHS) before Titus would willingly come to me to play or show me affection. He had given me the cold shoulder as if to say, "You found someone new. I don't need you." This was the most painful thing of all. I did all of "the right" things. I set aside time for just him. I limited my time holding the baby. I let him sit with us when I nursed. All of the things that all of the mom bloggers told me to do, I did. He just did not adjust well to the new baby and he resented me for it (or so it felt). Maybe this won't happen to you, but it did to me and it just near broke my heart.
It is hard. Like REALLY hard. People told me it would be hard, but I could not have imagined just how hard it was. Perhaps it was the hormones, but there were times that I just could not even handle. We had entered tantrum zone with Titus - toddlerdom at it's best (and by best, I mean worst). Between pushing out 4 molars that first month and adjusting to the new addition, he was a wreck and I was a wreck. There were several moments of every day where everyone was crying. Cecilia needed me, so she cried. Titus didn't know how to communicate what he needed, so he cried. I needed sleep, so I cried. Just a lot of crying.
I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. How could people have 3, 4, 5, 6+ kids and I couldn't even handle 2? Mamas, it gets better. People kept telling me it normalizes around 3 months and after hitting that glorious 3-month benchmark, I have to agree with them (knock on wood). Your older one will begin to forget life before the baby and accept her as a part of the family unit and will want to be your little buddy again. The baby will sleep longer and take less time to nurse. You will be healed and your hormones will be stabilizing. It gets better, I promise.
What did you learn in your first few months of having 2 under 2?