"She laughs without fear of the future."
I say that verse over and over but I have yet to take it on as my own identity. Maybe I need to say it in first person? Who knows.
It was like as soon as my first child was placed in my womb, I was also given a ball of anxiety that sits in my gut or my chest or somewhere in my body that is super annoying. My fears are a hearty mix of practical and totally irrational.
For instance, a practical fear is that my child will drown, so we teach them to swim. Another is that they will choke, so we cut up their food. My irrational fears are that I'll go into their room to check on them and they will be gone. Like just evaporate or something (don't want the Leftovers if you also have an irrational fear of your children just disappearing).
I have fears that I won't teach them to be kind enough or that I will hinder their creativity. I fear that I will screw them up somehow. There are days when the fears and the anxieties win.
Then there are Mondays. Mondays are for fresh starts and Mondays filled with hope. Monday gets a bad rep, but it's the day to set the tone for the week. If I can be strong today, I can be strong for the next week. Maybe it's crazy, but I have already established that I am not a rational human being, so chill out.
When you are filled with fear and anxiety, don't focus on what is to come or what could happen maybe someday. Instead, focus on how awesome you are going to be today. Enjoy your children today and in the moment. Play and laugh and be present because if you can do THAT in the now, everything else in the future will take care of itself.
What's your Monday look like, mama?