Some call it the most beautiful time of their lives. Those people are high. Pregnancy is hard and trying and exhausting. As pregnant women, we grow people. They steal our nutrients and our smarts. And just when we get used to the feeling of having another person sit on our bladder, they decide to come out. And as we all know, there are only a couple ways a baby can come out and both require stitches.
Pregnancy after loss - for some reason I was in denial that the possibility of a miscarriage would happen to me... until it happened. I ended up having a d and c and after that was planning on waiting a few months to start trying again and then BAM... pregnant, about 2 weeks after the procedure.
I wasn't filled with excitement or the tears of happiness that I was with my first. I instantly felt anxiety and my head filled with all the 'what ifs' and it didn't go away until my son was in my arms. I never felt like I would actually get my baby. Ultrasounds were the worst for me (that's how I found out I lost my first), I went in blissfully unaware anything was wrong.
"But being a stay-at-home mom was the loneliest kind of lonely, in which she was always and never by herself." - Barbara Kingsolver
Motherhood is isolating.
Even with all of the park meetups and community classes where you are around other parents and kids, there is still an emptiness that comes with being a mom.
I was over due with both my babies. With my son, I was 11 days overdue. Yes, nearly two weeks overdue and I was feeling pretty ragey (that's a word, right?). There's something that happens in all of your social interactions when you are uber pregnant - people get nervous and can only talk about how you are pregnant. Below is a list of 10 things people said to me when I was pregnant and how I responded (or how I really REALLY wanted to respond):
Ever since you were a little girl, you dreamed of the day you would be pregnant. You would stuff a basket ball under your shirt and examine your profile in the mirror, smiling and imagining how wonderful it will be to carry life inside you. You have always admired the raw beauty of a pregnant woman. She glistens (and it's not just sweat) and her curves are poetic. Now, finally, it is your turn.
I had a friend who was about to have her third babe and she shared, "Giving birth is one of my favorite things ever." At the time I was pregnant with my first babe and thought she was crazy (I mean she was pregnant, so she probably was a bit crazy). This was the first time I had ever heard something positive about giving birth. I was bombarded with horror stories about birth. Everything that can go wrong. The pain. The watermelon coming out of a pea size hole. The screaming. You've heard it all before, so I won't go into detail.
Pregnancy is hard. Marriage is hard. Put them together and they can be super duper hard. The weeks and months leading up to pregnancy are exciting. They are filled with sex and baby names, but mostly sex. So needless to say, marriage is pretty strong at that point. The first couple weeks into pregnancy are fun and exciting too. You and your husband have a big secret about a tiny person and the emotional intimacy that comes along with sort of secret is unreal! Then week 6 hits (about 2 weeks after finding out about your bean)...
So you just found out you are pregnant! You've been having non stop sex for months (yay!!) and have peed on a thousand little sticks waiting for that second pink line to show itself in all its infinite glory and finally it does! You laugh, you cry, you pick out names for if it's a boy or if it's a girl. Your pillow talk is giddy and exciting and you agree to keep it a secret until 12 weeks, just in case.